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Slobberhouse

by Ned Flangers

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1.
I'm not ready, pajama time's coming And I still haven't cut my nosehairs There in the valley, hidden amongst ferns Ghosts linger in my shepherd's pie Crying into my piggy bank, asking Myself where Ben Stiller lives Give away my toe nail clippings Roast beef cascades down my pants Wallpaper glued to my head Hamburglar, tuck me into bed Posies mailed to your dad He kinda walks like a crab How could I ever find you When your footsteps won't trail behind you Broken-hearted trip to Thailand
2.
Hustlin'
3.
As I whisper what you said Clipping toenails on my bed Thinking out loud to myself Clip the toenails of someone else I once had a floral bouquet It has dried out, withered away Hopefully soon I will clip my own Drop my keys in the parking lot I drop to my knees deep down in thought Lather myself in the tub Prep my body for your love No more need for Old Spice and Dove Clipping toenails on my bed As I whisper what you said (Lala's McDonald's Drive-Thru experience) Pull through to the second window
4.
Speave 03:26
Do I call them flip-flops or do I call them thongs? When I'm on the beach you know my urge to dip is strong Grandpa smoked a french fry and thought it was a bong Went under the pier and then he bought himself some pot Too shaky to pack a bowl, so I gave it a shot Tried to light it with my hemp wick, found that it would not Couldn't believe my eyes when I saw what Grandpa bought Grandpa bought Dippin' Dots Thought it was the chronic but it was frosty dessert First time he took a hit got laid at the Slipknot concert Put himself into a hole and thought he was covert Didn't tell you this whole time that his first name is Kurt Don't ask him for a bite because he still carries a gun You'll catch a bullet if you are a'stepping on his lawn We tried to put him in a home and he walked the fuck out Cuz Dippin' Dots are what this motherfucker's all about DIP (Carson and Lala enjoy Dippin' Dots) When I was a boy I would sit upon his knee Then he would regale me with tales from across the sea He got that new prostate, now he really likes to pee Grandpa checked his bank account and ordered some tube socks Before he jumped into the sea, he took off his new Crocs Went into the ice cream parlor, said it was bollocks He's gonna get his ice cream fix underneath the docks
5.
Take me to gorge myself on all kinds of meat products Show me the way to chew so I don't choke and die Bare to me your heart & soul and bury me in excrement Toenails will pave the way towards no hesitation Pokerface, milk my cakes, don't call your chiropractor Climb up on my pegs, watch out for dental floss Here in my garage, just bought this new Lamborghini here But you know what I like more than material things? Nothing. Do you know where we should go? (34.42 Degrees North) Trapped in Burger Undertow (119.8 Degrees West) Bathe me in Frosted Flakes and bake me soufflé cakes I cannot express how long I've tried to win your taste Marmalade in the shade, handcuff me to a stove Don't let the pressure off til you cut out all airflow Race me to the maze, I'm not talking corn When you wear those Crocs I think it makes you look like Gordon Ramsay Punch me in the ribcage, you smell like sweet sage You have pulled my heart and soul into an undertow
6.
Audio taken from "How It's Made," spoken by Grant Imahara (RIP)
7.
So I guess it's just us two Hope you don't mind my smelly shoes Your son left us alone inside his room Suppose now's the time to make my move Do you like the riff that I just played? Does it make you think of your wife's lemonade? She can't understand you like I do You're the Winnie to my Pooh
8.
Tangled 2 03:54
Sittin' on my front porch cutting' my toes Climbin' to the top where the wind blows It's a mountain or something I guess Buyin' tangerines til they're out of stock Danglin' my feet off the end of the dock I wonder where my goldfish went My friends are all heathens who shouldn't hurry Keep gettin' caught up in the curry Stretchin' my legs, they're cleanin' their plates Droppin' some eggs from the overpass Screamin' out loud while I scrub my ass I'm cleaner, much cleaner than before Put my faith into a soda Stuff my heart in a bottle of cola Don't stress, my crotch is a hairy mess Eternal life with a side of fries Grabbin' a bite with some of the guys Don't stress, armpits under duress My follicles are working overtime For you I'm getting tangled and cloggin' the drain For you More grease, please Clingin' to the past while I close my eyes Drivin' real fast while I close my eyes Please keep your hands to yourself Tumblin' down into despair Whisperin' to someone who doesn't care Trousers make unsupportive beasts Cringin' at the thought of Shrek 5 Wincin' at the pain of being alive You want me to wear a tutu! Throwin' my panties to a cheerin' crowd Every time I fart it's really loud More mayo, to repair my spleen
9.
I cannot wait for the song to start Long were the days spent wondering if I'd hear back from you Headstrong, all the ways you'd exercise your brain inside that school Nourished through photosynthesis, ain't got the time to eat Comfortable clothing from your knickers down to your feet Gotta grab the savings when you go with McCafé Thrifty and caffeinated, I remember you this way Long were the days spent wondering if I'd hear back from you Ping pong around the maze, you found too crowded with molecules Splinters from a rocking horse, I carry them with me Reminders of innocence and melancholy I'd open a store if I only had a storefront No place to store the things for my store (Viola, Whistle interlude) Long were the days spent wondering if I'd hear back from you Play along, getting paid to spend some time with the Golden Rule Grabbing the bull by the horns, when will I ever learn No matter how long I wait it'll never be my turn Sick and sickly and mighty tired, I'm never coming back Especially since I can't seem to find a storefront Long were the days spent wondering if I'd hear back from you
10.
Kaleidoscope 08:09
Kaleidoscope: Lots of voices Bonus: Alone Again, Natura-diddily: 18 seasons without a Maude No mother for our Rod or our Todd Her screams still fill up my head I wish I had fallen instead Alone again, natura-diddily Why were you forced to leave me? I guess I'll never know People view me as a walking mustache To deserve disdain, I just have to ask Was it something that I may have done to you Forgotten interaction from Season 2? Alone again, natura-diddily Why did the writers decide to hurt me? I guess I'll never know Try to fill the void with an absent God But I would trade him for one more day with Maude Spout my catchphrase to disguise the pain Will our home ever feel the same? Alone again, natura-diddily When you fell, you should've taken me I guess I'll never know

about

All proceeds from album sales will be donated to Planned Parenthood.

credits

released February 2, 2018

Ned Flangers:
Alex Astrella - Vocals, Guitar
Carson Capps - Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Drums, Keys

Kelten Hemingway - Alto Sax (Track 5)
Madeleine Thompson - Viola (Track 9)
Kaleidoscope Speakers - Carson Capps, Sam Hendricks, Ethan Jones, Dylan Lyman, Shidasp Parvaz, Madeleine Thompson

Artwork by Rachael Grainger.
Special Thanks: Speave, Jordan Barclay for production guidance, Reya Wallace for lyrical assistance, Dylan Lyman for letting us use his drums, Milk Drunk for letting us play our first show with them, Malcolm Coffman for being nice to Lala, Madeleine Thompson for being nice to Carson, and all of our other friends for giving a shit.

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Ned Flangers Isla Vista, California

Carson and Lala write songs about serious things and sing songs about their feelings.

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